A. Marie Silver

A. Marie Silver

The Insurance Claim

I write letters to Ellen DeGeneres. No particular reason. Just because I can.

Dear Ellen,

Earlier this month, we celebrated the loss of the six-year-old’s first tooth. The tooth had been loose for a while and was really bothering her. My husband gave her an apple to eat and out it came. There was a small amount of drama associated with that tooth. The six-year-old didn’t realize that her tooth was gone at first, so we had to search the table, the chair, and surrounding floor to find it. It turned out, the tooth was among a bunch of apple crumbs on the table. We put the tooth in the bag and she anxiously awaited bed time – eager to fall asleep so the tooth fairy would come.


At bedtime, she flew into her bed and shit her eyes.



She SHUT her eyes.



The next morning she woke up and found that her tooth was replaced with four, shiny quarters. She was soooo excited!

In the meantime, she had another tooth that was getting more and more loose by the day. Saturday night we sent her upstairs to put her pajamas on. She excitedly called down to us telling us the tooth fell out. But, she didn’t see where it landed. My husband grabbed a flash light and we both searched the carpeting for the missing tooth.

This is what I look like when I’m searching for something:


This is what my husband looks like when he’s searching for something:


We searched and searched and still could not find her tooth. The six-year-old was devastated. “Oh! Now the tooth fairy isn’t going to come and bring me any quarters.” That statement was followed up by the most heartbreaking frown I’ve ever seen.



“Baby, Girl,” I said. “I’m sure the tooth fairy has provisions for situations such as this. Why don’t you go to sleep and in the morning we’ll find out.”

Unlike last time, where she feigned sleep until she actually fell asleep, this time she was in and out of bed all night long. Finally she fell asleep…in our bed.

The next morning,



At 3:00 a.m., she woke up and discovered a very special note from the tooth fairy. And here’s what the tooth fairy said:



Ellen, she was so excited and relieved to see that the tooth fairy still paid her for her tooth even though we couldn’t find it. And, in case you’re curious, she was paid in four, shiny quarters! Same as the other tooth we were able to find.

I think the thing that amazes me the most is that the tooth fairy carries insurance for lost teeth. That never occurred to me. Ellen, do you think Santa and the Easter Bunny also carry insurance for lost presents and candy? I wonder who their carrier is.



We’re not insured by Progressive but if I had to pick between Flo, a gecko, and that creepy guy from Allstate to represent the tooth fairy, I’d definitely choose Flo.


A. Marie Silver


Thanks for shopping Snark, Sass, & Sarcasm! I’ll see you next time.

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A. Marie Smith

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