I write letters to Ellen DeGeneres. No particular reason. Just because I can.

Dear Ellen,

I was having a cranky, horrible, no-good, awful, bad day. The six year old threw a fit because I made him wear gray socks to school. No clue why this was so traumatizing to him but maybe some day he’ll be able to explain it to a therapist.

Prison door clangs shut.

Therapist: (pulls out pen and paper): So tell me, Bobo, what went so wrong in your life that you felt the need to burn down an entire factory.

Bobo: My mother made me wear gray socks to school.

Therapist: That bitch!

Also that same morning, the four year old threw a fit because I wouldn’t let her wear a particular pair of shorts to Pre-K. She went through a major growth spurt over the summer and these shorts that fit her two months ago are now too short. I know it’s just my opinion, but I really feel like she should be in high school before we have these fights about her butt cheeks hanging out of her clothes.

And then there was the baby. She was having an awful time trying to poop and I felt so bad for her. We’re currently exploring the possibility that she may have a milk protein allergy. She’s been on an overpriced formula for the last few weeks and I have yet to see an improvement.

Naturally with all of this going on, I was in no mood to be approached by a solicitor on Instagram.

Mr. X: Hey, Sweet Lady! Do you have a second? I’d like to ask you something.

Mr. X: No. Doesn’t bother me that much.

Mr. X: I’ve made some great connections through direct messages on Instagram. It’s put me into contact with lovely ladies like yourself.

Mr. X: Well since you asked:

Here was my response:

And that concluded our conversation. I went back a little later to review the message only to find that Mr. X deleted the entire conversation from Instagram. I didn’t even know you could do that. I wonder what he was afraid of? That I’d take screenshots of the conversation and write a blog about it?

Ellen, I can’t help wondering, was I too snarky? I guess it doesn’t really matter now. Even if I wanted to apologize, I can’t. He also blocked me on Instagram.

Sincerely,

A. Marie

Calling all readers! Do you have a story about an annoying or unwanted solicitation you received? Tell me all about it in the comments. I’d love to hear your thoughts. And I am genuinely curious, was I too snarky?