Never Tell a Woman She Looks Older than Her Email Address

Here it is! The first draft of my first novel!  Hurray me!  After six weeks of letting it collect dust on my hard drive I went to Staples the other day and had it printed so I could begin the rewrite – (let the games begin!).

The gentleman who helped me at Staples was an interesting fellow; kind of short, bald spot on his head but otherwise normal looking. 

While he was printing my manuscript he offered to enroll me in the rewards program.  Rather than having me fill out the paperwork he just read off the information and I told him what he needed to fill in the blanks. 

One of the last bits of information he needed was my email address.  Here’s a fun fact: most of my email addresses end with 32.  It’s a nice even number – one that Adrian Monk would approve.  After I spelled it out for him he asked me, “Let me guess you were 32 when you created that email address?”

“Yes,” I nodded wondering why he would say, “were.”  Was he trying to make me feel old?  So I asked him, “What would you have said if I had told you I wasn’t 32 yet?”

He smiled and said, “I had a 95% chance of being correct that you weren’t 32 anymore.”

RUDE MUCH!  Yes, it’s true, many moons have passed since my 32nd birthday.  But seriously!  I don’t want it thrown in my face.  I mean really; aren’t men in particular supposed to know better? Common courtesy requires that you always tell a woman she looks at least ten years younger than her actual age.  Sure, she’ll know you’re full of tacos but she’ll get a good laugh out of it.

He handed me my manuscript and thumb drive and as he turned I stopped him.  “Excuse me sir,” I leaned forward against the counter.  “Can you hold still for a second?  I just want to check out my premature wrinkles in the reflection on your bald spot.”

Confession time:  I never said that.  Sadly I lack the gumption.  However, that brings me to Detective O’Brien, a character from my first novel. He’s good-looking and very charming – when he doesn’t speak.  When he does speak, he comes across as arrogant and borderline rude.  It occured to me that the one physical characterist Detective O’Brien lacked was a bald spot.  I think I’ll give him one.

Whereas, I may lack the bravado to make a comment about someone’s bald spot (that and I was raised with manners) my protagonist, however, is a completely different story.  Oh yeah….she would go there. Hold on to your horses Detective O’Brien/Staples guy. My girl has a mouth and she’s not afraid to use it.

It’s fun to be a fiction writer.  You can fix so many things by simply clicking the ENTER key.

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