If Baby Could Talk – A Voicemail for Grandma

Hello Grandma, This is baby. I’m calling to tell you that you should come get me right away. Momma has been horrible to me. She doesn’t love me, never holds me and makes me sleep alone at night. Hold on In a whisper (Gwennie – what else was I supposed to say? Oh…. Okay) I’m back now. I’m also supposed […]

It’s Like He Knows…..

(From Momma’s Perspective) It’s 3 am and I wake up because I have to use the bathroom.  My husband is passed out cold.  I get out of bed and quietly make my way to the bathroom.  When my business there is complete, I quietly make my way back to bed.  As I’m walking that very short distance, I hear on […]

RE: A Letter From Baby

Dear Baby, Daddy and I have received your letter and the following is our response. In reference to your complaint about “crying it out”.  It is important for you to learn to “cry it out” as it is simply not possible for us to always drop what we are doing and run to you.  Every night it is the same […]

A Letter From Baby

Dear Momma, I have some issues I’d like to discuss with you. First, I’m not sure who it was that thought “crying it out” was a good idea but let me tell you, it’s not.  It’s a bad, bad idea.  I would prefer it, if in the future, the second I scream you and daddy drop what you’re doing and […]

If Baby Could Talk – Part 3

Bottle!  Bottle!  Bottle!  Want Bottle!  Bottle! Bottle! Bottle! No!  Don’t want rice cereal!  Quit feeding me that!  Put that spoon away and get me bottle!  Bottle!  Bottle! Where’s Bottle?  Don’t tell me it needs more time in the bottle warmer!  I don’t want to hear that!  Want Bottle Now!  Bottle! What are you doing?  Hey!  Unless there’s an app for […]

If Baby Took Out a Personal Ad

Hi.  My name is Button.  I’m a five month old Caucasian male.  I have reddish-blond hair, blue eyes and a smile guaranteed to melt the crankiest momma’s heart. I’m very mature for my age.  I go through 8-9 diapers a day.  I’m able to hold my head up.  I can eat rice cereal from a spoon and I’ve recently figured […]