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If Baby Could Talk – Things I Put In My Mouth

Do you see my new toy?  It has all kinds of things I can put in my mouth. Do you see the red and purple cups in front? They come out. Guess where they go.  They go in my mouth and then I throw them on the floor. Do you see the bumblebee?  It goes …

Dear Baby, On This Day In History…..

Daddy and I went to a clinic to find out if you were a boy or a girl.  The technician had a very difficult time trying to answer that question for us because you insisted on sitting in my womb, with your little legs crossed.  She poked and prodded at my tummy trying to get …

Dear Baby: Once Upon a Halloween

Dear Baby, Once upon a time your daddy had a dream.  He wanted to be married, he wanted you for a baby and he also wanted a home for you to grow up in.  Last year, Daddy and I moved to Maryland.  You were still in Momma’s tummy.  We had the pleasure of working with …

If Baby Could Talk – A Voicemail for Grandma

Hello Grandma, This is baby. I’m calling to tell you that you should come get me right away. Momma has been horrible to me. She doesn’t love me, never holds me and makes me sleep alone at night. Hold on In a whisper (Gwennie – what else was I supposed to say? Oh…. Okay) I’m …

It’s Like He Knows…..

(From Momma’s Perspective) It’s 3 am and I wake up because I have to use the bathroom.  My husband is passed out cold.  I get out of bed and quietly make my way to the bathroom.  When my business there is complete, I quietly make my way back to bed.  As I’m walking that very …

RE: A Letter From Baby

Dear Baby, Daddy and I have received your letter and the following is our response. In reference to your complaint about “crying it out”.  It is important for you to learn to “cry it out” as it is simply not possible for us to always drop what we are doing and run to you.  Every …

A Letter From Baby

Dear Momma, I have some issues I’d like to discuss with you. First, I’m not sure who it was that thought “crying it out” was a good idea but let me tell you, it’s not.  It’s a bad, bad idea.  I would prefer it, if in the future, the second I scream you and daddy …

A Poem by Baby

My Bowl   My bowl is a wonderful thing I use it as a teething ring.   I like to wear it as a hat. Sometimes I throw it at my cats.   I like to drop it on the floor. But then my Momma says, “No more!”   But when I bang it on …

If Baby Could Talk – Part 3

Bottle!  Bottle!  Bottle!  Want Bottle!  Bottle! Bottle! Bottle! No!  Don’t want rice cereal!  Quit feeding me that!  Put that spoon away and get me bottle!  Bottle!  Bottle! Where’s Bottle?  Don’t tell me it needs more time in the bottle warmer!  I don’t want to hear that!  Want Bottle Now!  Bottle! What are you doing?  Hey!  …

If Baby Took Out a Personal Ad

Hi.  My name is Button.  I’m a five month old Caucasian male.  I have reddish-blond hair, blue eyes and a smile guaranteed to melt the crankiest momma’s heart. I’m very mature for my age.  I go through 8-9 diapers a day.  I’m able to hold my head up.  I can eat rice cereal from a …

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